Mental Health

Hey Everyone,

This week I have something very difficult to talk about. Mental health is such an important part of our lives and we should pay more attention to it. As you may know I was diagnosed with MS in 2019. I was already dealing with depression around that time but the diagnosis really made it worse. I had a lot of people reach out to me during that time and that really helped me get through it. I have always been very vocal about things that are bothering me at that moment and I have always said if I am complaining about it then you know it’s serious. I tend to keep my pains to myself because most people don’t really want to know how your doing. I feel like is more of a formality and throughout the years I’ve noticed that and became ok with it. Now, when people ask I usually answer fine unless I really am not tolerating my pains. But lately, I have been struggling with something new something I have always suffered from but it’s never been this bad. That is anxiety, I want to bring attention to this because this has had such an impact on me and you are about to see why. If you are dealing with any mental health problem please seek help understanding there is a problem is the first step in correcting and fixing the problem. And, if you have a friend or family member you have not reached out to in a while please do sometimes that “hey how have you been?” goes a long way to helping them get through their day struggles.

Last year was a tough one for me due to a lot of family issues and disagreements. My family has never really been there for me and never really have helped with anything. I, on the other hand have always lended a hand and been there to help them out with anything that they needed. However, sometimes families members are appreciative for what you do and when you don’t extend a hand because you can’t they make you out to be the bad guy. That was the start of the problem. I started getting pushed away from my family and now the only ones that reach out is my mom and sister. I am not sure why but I learnt to just let it be. I am a bit used to it to be honest because I grew up mostly on my own. My dad was never present and my mom has always been working 3 jobs. While, I have had depression before like I said I thankfully never got to a point where I considered committing harm to myself or think life is better without me in the world. I have also dealt with anxiety in the past but this time I started to noticed a couple of things changing in me that started affecting my personal life. My close peers that I have been around I am pretty sure they have noticed I have been struggling. I have found such a difficulty communicating in general. I feel like everything I say is interpreted the wrong way and I feel like every one around me is out to get me. While, in the back of my mind I know that may not be the case that’s where my head has been at. I start to panic while I am speaking which is something I have never felt before and on top of that I feel like I am not making sense at all when I am talking.

I recognized anxiety was the main issue because 2 days before my birthday in December I was hospitalized. I was feeling like I couldn’t breath and I felt like I was blacking out. I have never experienced this and for several days I couldn’t sleep well because I felt like at any moment I could run out of breath and depart. It was for the first time I have actually thought of harming myself and that scared me. I recognized my issue and immediately let my doctor know. I will begin therapy soon and speech therapy as well. I am hoping this can help and improve my social network. I know talking about the problems usually helps and because of how scared I am of my mind I prefer getting ahead and treating the problem. I started my photography to help me get distracted from everything and lately it’s been such great therapy for me. The challenge that comes with it is actually going out there and putting your knowledge to the test and actually nailing those shots. When you do get those shots it’s such a great feeling. Sometimes nature is the best therapy and you start appreciating life more especially when you see what animals work together to survive. Exposed to the elements and they seem happier then ever to be alive.

In my last blog I spoke about a couple of health issues I was having as well. I have really been putting a lot of work in so I could take it a bit easy this month. I managed to capture a lot of cool animals that I am excited to share with you all. Keep an eye on the portfolio to see these majestic animals. I have been struggling with my knee and will be having a check up later this week to see what could be the issue. I also had an MRI last week and panicked while inside that machine. It also helped me realize I have a problem. I have never struggled that much inside that machine before. I have claustrophobia so it’s never been easy but I can usually get by but not last week. I already got my results and have an appointment later this month to see with my neurologist what the next steps in my MS journey is. I will be keeping you all updated on my progress.

Like I said I have been exploring a lot lately and I have probably explored the sanctuary trail at Algonkian Regional Park more than anyone else around here. I have had the luck in seeing every single bird I have been looking to photograph here. From the Bald eagle to Barred owl I have seen almost every species around our area. I have even heard a Great Horned owl. It’s been such a wonderful experience. Last week, I got to see a Red fox up close for the first time. I am taking my time editing these photos however as I have been really putting in more time to make sure the little details pop out a bit more. My editing style has definitely improved as I know now what I am looking for in every shot. I hope you enjoy all the pictures coming soon. The portfolio will be updating the next couple of days. This month I am also going to begin shooting product photography. I have an idea that I am looking to implement into my own style so I hope you all check it out and if you like what you see reach out and I would love to take a picture of your products. I have always been wanting to get into product photography as I love a challenge and also the creativity that goes in to it. Have a special product photographer you know? well I can say they really work hard on those shots. If you are excited to see my take on it let me know.

The White-Throated Sparrow has definitely become one of my favorite little birds I’ve met. This wonderful bird always poses for me and are not scared to come around and be around me. Truly, a beautiful little fella. I love hearing them hop around in search for food and I love hearing their wonderful melodies in the mornings. I will for sure miss them when they leave in the spring. They’re usually in flocks but you can definitely tell some of them a part. This little one is one I always see at the beginning of the trail. He loves to show off as he always poses for a photo a very smart bird. For the spring they head to Canada for mating season as so do other birds. But the White-Throated Sparrow has been known to remember their routes so well that if you have seen one in your backyard your most likely to see them the following winter there as well. I sure hope I see this fella next winter. I will definitely be looking out for him. I have had the pleasure of photographing more than just him. They truly have a special place in my heart. Is thanks to this little fella I am able to keep myself grounded and help me get through the bad times. Head to your backyard and see what wonderful little ones you have there you will not be disappointed.

Thank you all just wanted to let you all know my blogs will now be out at 6pm Tuesdays. I hope you read all the way through them. Again, if you are dealing with mental health issues please seek out help there will always be someone willing to listen. I will be updating you all on my process in hopes to inspire someone.