Passion

Passion as defined by the Oxford dictionary means strong and barely controllable emotion. The Cambridge dictionary says is a very powerful feeling. Passion can be interpreted many different ways depending on the person. Throughout my childhood, when ever I was asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?” my answer was always the same I don’t know. Most of my life my family has been very poor and barely scrapping by that’s the kind of mentality that’s instilled in you since a young age in my family. In El Salvador I would say the majority of the population is very poor and humble. I grew up in a small rural area in San Miguel. There wasn’t much to do really, playing with marbles use to be our equivalent of fun compare to kids now a days. I remember getting a toy motorcycle for my 6th birthday which I cherish so much. I cared for it so much as this was my first real toy, and when the day came that I had to come to the U.S I cried knowing I couldn’t bring it with me. When you have nothing, you learn to cherish any little thing much more. That little toy became my most price possession, and I did anything to protect it. I remember even being scared to take it to school as I was afraid that another kid would steal it from me.

Back in those days if you would have ask me what I wanted to be when I grow up I would have just kept it simple and said “rich”. I remember my first day of school here in the U.S I remember telling myself “you need to learn how to earn your toy bike again”. That was my goal and my passion back in those days, a childhood dream of mine. One thing has remained the same since I was a kid though, and that is my love for art. I was never a popular kid by any means I always kept to myself and had a few friends. I always been very shy and struggled with speech which made it much harder for me to talk with other individuals. Kids would make fun of me because of how much of a loner I was. I struggled controlling my brain always going 100mph and it seems like I never hit the brakes to slow down even for a second. I was always in my own world imagining my future, brainstorming my ideas, and telling myself funny jokes. It was here where my love for art came to be, being alone gave me time to listen and observe the world around me. I started writing a lyric and making mental images of what I would see around me. I was so young though, I didn’t really know why I would do it, I just knew that I had seen it on TV and always wonder how those things came to be. My curiosity from the beginning has always been extremely high, it’s my curiosity that pushes me to learn new things and master them. As I grew older I started exploring music much more as being alone sometimes can be very lonely. I remember turning to music and liked how one song would sometimes have the power to change my mood. Then I remember seeing a hand drawn forest and thought that was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I tried to draw it myself and could never do it, now here I am, the picture I featured for this blog is how I would envision drawing a forest.

Up to this point I didn’t know what passion was or how to know when you found it. I remember people would always tell me, “when your passionate about something it won’t feel like work because you would love what your doing”. I never really understand what people were trying to tell me, I mean how could a teenager know any better. At the age of 15 when my grandma pass away, it left my family in a bad state financially. It unfortunately caused me to leave school and start working full time. At that time I was earning 7.25 hr and felt like I had money, it felt great. I had no responsibilities so all the money I was making was going towards helping the family anyway I could. When my son was born, I said to myself I want to show him everything ive accomplish and went to get my GED. If one day he said “dad I think school is pointless I don’t want to go” I had my diploma to show him that he can do it at least that was my mentality. I worked your typical 9-5 for years and technically I still am but I am chasing my dream now.

One day everything everyone told me all clicked on my head, it was right in front of me the whole time, I found photography! I consider myself a perfectionist in a way as I strive to do my best in everything I touch. Yes, I beat myself up sometimes but how could I not, since I was a kid I been shown to fight for what I want. It was with this determination that I started learning photography, little by little I taught myself. I struggled at first but I mean who doesn’t at first, is part of the learning process. You will have to trial and error, it may seem grim at first and frustrating but if you keep at it eventually it will start to click. The most successful millionaires now a days will tell you the same thing, they will all describe there struggles to you, but they will all at the end tell you that the hard work paid off. That was my mentality going into it, I will say it hasn’t been easy I have had my ups and down. I have had times where the thought has come to my head, that thought of am I good enough? Why am I doing this?. I hit rock bottom before I realized that my passion was photography. I was going through a lot mentally, and was at the lowest point of my life that it almost led to a decision that would have not only affected me but also my loved ones. I always try to be strong and keep my head up even when life hits me hard but like I said last week fear will beat you down sometimes.

It was during this hard time where I needed an escape and that escape for me was photography. The more photos I was nailing the better I was feeling about myself and my progress. The more I was learning the more I was feeling like I was reaching my goal. There’s always much more to learn, and if one day you say I know it all trust me, you don’t. I knew I had found my passion one day when I was driving to a park at 5am so I could catch the sunrise. I remember everything everyone told me “if you are passionate about something you would love what you do”. I don’t complain about waking up early to go take pictures as I love it, to me it doesn’t feel like a thing I am forced to do. Now, I understand that quote much more and I hold it close to my heart, photography saved my life!